What I learned from getting shin splints - Ladies Connection Class Lesson.

What I learned from getting Shin Splints.

Have you ever had to go through a time of testing? A time of trying to succeed at something and every corner you turn, you find an obstacle? (Ladies Share) (for me- Photography business)

My Goal: Run (jog) a 5K

I have never been a  runner.  I have always stopped when things got tough, to painful or I just got bored.

Isn't that how we are with God?

When things get tough or painful, we throw in the towel?

Maybe when the Bible becomes boring, we just stop reading? (telling on myself)

Through training, I have had times of testing.  Have you ever had shin splints? Or maybe an injury that kept you from a goal? (raise of hands)

-At times in our lives God calls us to run through the pain. 

               

-Sometimes the pain is necessary  for us to grow- Just as your muscles hurt when you start exercising or  push yourself to new heights, God does the same. Change! Change is always hard.  No one likes change. It is uncomfortable and sometimes it hurts. When you want to make changes to your body or your habits or your life, you will feel the uncomfortable pain of change.  I was in pain for 3 days after I did my first workout - I couldn't even make it down the two steps outside my house.  I realized I had muscles that I never knew I had.

               

- I have to run through the pain when I want to give up. I wanted to just stop when I felt the burning pain in my shins. It was like my legs were on fire. I have to trust that God will take care of me through the pain I am going through.  (There is a time to take a break and then there is a time when you have to continue to work through the pain.) 

-At times the pain is there to show us that we are doing something wrong.

               

- Sometimes God says, slow down and we don't listen.  Sometimes our body's will tell us we are doing too much too soon.  (I am a go getter.  I go all out.  No holding back.  I am invincible! But then  I can hurt myself and by doing that I take myself out of the race.) 

                

- Sometimes we are just using the wrong gear!  A runners worst mistake is wearing the wrong shoe.  If you do not take care of your feet, you cannot run. You will hurt your feet, it goes to your shins, your knees,  your hips, your back.  It gets bad quick. When we decide to rely on ourselves and not on God, we are using the wrong gear in our spiritual lives. 

Hebrews 12:1 - Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset [us], and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Matthew 11:28-30 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

As I ran through the pain, I was asking God for strength and I was praising Him every time I got through it.  Just as I did while running, I should be doing the same thing every day of my life.  Thanking Him and praising Him. 

Are you anxious?

Sometimes life seems to crazy to keep up with.  And that is when anxiety can set in.  Since I am prone to anxiety, I have been trying to keep things in perspective.

Here is a list of things we are doing/planning:

Planning the Awana Awards Night, next years club year, Junior Camp, my visit to Florida to see a friend, hubby and wife vacation, end of school year is here, Thomas' birthday party, Golf lessons, and training for a 5K (Soon to be a blog post)... with all the "normal" stuff in there too.  This is all stuff that is happening in the next 6 weeks. 

With all this going on, I can get a bit flustered and can take it out on the people I love.  One of my severe side effects of depression was anxiety.  I can get worked up over nothing.

Here are a few things I am doing to keep my anxiety at bay:

1. Make time to read your Bible.  (I am not always best at this, but I am actively working on it.)  I can see such a difference when I make time to read my Bible and pray.  I need to seek God, on a more personal level, every day.

2. Exercise!  This one is so beneficial for me.  Any time I feel overwhelmed or stretched thin, I go running or do a workout video.  This helps me to clear my head and also work off that anxiety in a productive way.  After a good workout, I feel a sense of calm come over me and my brain is then able to focus on the task at hand.

3. Prioritize.  I like to make a list of things that need to be done.  Organize that list and put the most important thing on top. The stuff that can wait, will wait and I am ok with that.

4. Relax.  I always thought that everything had to be done right then or I failed.  Or I would wait till the last minute to do things (I am still a procrastinator, but again, I am working on that).  But I choose to not freak out about things.  I refuse too. Do everything you can, when you can.

One of my biggest fears since getting off my antidepressant has been for my anxiety to come back.  Dealing with real life is also dealing with anxiety.  But a lot of what I have learned is that we can control a lot of the anxiety we deal with.  I can stop procrastinating.  I can control my thoughts.  I can pray when something is not under my control and ask God to give me peace. He will and He does.

Philippians 4:6-7
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Purpose...

With starting this blog again, I am wondering, what is my purpose? Why do I want to write and share and put myself out there? 

I actually think about this a lot.  It's not like I have droves of people coming to my blog to read the awesome musings of Shannon with witty comments and super great advice.  I don't even think I am good at writing or sharing my thoughts.

You wont see me posting about current public events or about things that are controversial like some popular bloggers.  I am not about the shock factor.

I just hope I am a help. That someone can see what I have posted and know that there is someone that has gone through tough stuff and has seen the faithfulness of God.  Because He is faithful.  He will see you through the tough stuff.  

My Life Belongs To The Master

Have you ever thought, "What if my life were different?" "What if I didn't go through that?" "Why couldn't I just grow up in a godly home?"

There are so many questions we could ask, or wishes we could make.  "Why me" questions.  "If only" wishes.

But if we believe in an almighty God, those questions are invalid.  They really are.

Looking back at my life, all the good and the bad or the unfair or hurtful, I wouldn't change any of it. Not one thing.  Nothing.

My life belongs to the Master.  To my Creator.  To my God.  To my Saviour. 

Do I believe He caused the bad, the ugly, the unfair or the hurtful?  No. 

But I believe He has used it to create His masterpiece.  He is not done with me.  He is still molding and sculpting me. 

I can see His hand in my life every step of the way and I am thankful for that.

Can you say that?  That no matter what painful circumstances or health issues or life hurts come your way that you will trust Him with the outcome.  That He is your life's Master. 

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Isaiah 64:8.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

He has a purpose for your life, your hurt, your struggle. 

Look to Him.  Say, "I don't understand this, but I trust you and I have faith!"

No More Meds.

There are so many things I think about writing; little things I think about, lessons I am learning.  But it seems as though I can't write anything else without first posting this. I have been very nervous about writing this next post.  For lots of reasons, this one seems too personal.  But I feel compelled to tell it since it is part of my story, as it unfolds and as God leads.

When I was first diagnosed with severe depression, I was prescribed Prozac.  At that point in time I felt like I would always and forever need that little pill.  I was worried about not having it and about relapsing into a more severe depression than before.  I was ok with taking a prescription for the rest of my life, if need be.  It worked and it worked amazingly.  Within 2 weeks of starting it, my anxiety was gone.  This was not just me being anxious but a very real debilitating problem.

As I went in to see my doctor after about 6 months of feeling better and seeing the difference that pill made in my life, I wasn't ready to give it up.  I was nervous that I would spiral down that whirlpool of hopelessness once again and that all the progress I had made would be washed down the drain with me.  I asked my doctor to keep me on the antidepressant for at least 6 more months. She wrote the prescription. 

There were many times that I had forgot to take my pill, or had forgotten to refill my prescription, or just plain didn't want to take it.  I would go off of it for a week or so.  I would feel that sadness, the depression sneaking back into my life. I wouldn't feel right.  So, I would get back on them and in the habit of taking them again.

Earlier this year I started to feel this nudge, a still small voice, telling me I was going to be ok.  Over the last year, I had to work on a lot.  There were many battles fought in my head and in my heart. I had to let go of a lot.  I had to see myself and I had to realize that God sees me. 

An antidepressant is supposed to help balance the natural chemicals that are supposed to be in your brain.  They help stabilize your emotions and help you feel really good.  After a while I realized that I had started using my prescription as a cover for things I didn't want to deal with or things I just wanted to feel numb too.  I started to feel numb to a lot of things.

I had started reading my Bible consistently and my relationship with the Lord was growing and I could sense I needed to step out in faith.  I needed to trust the same God that I had trusted all those years ago with the salvation of my soul, to do great and mighty things in this life of mine.  I wanted to go down a new path of trust and faith that I had never known before.

At the end of February my prescription ran out and I didn't refill it.  I didn't tell anyone.  I knew I needed to trust God with my sanity.  I needed to rely on Him and Him alone.  I felt God call me to this.  I don't want to sound weird or crazy, but I can't explain it any other way.

I kept thinking, maybe I should go get my prescription filled, just in case.  And then I would think, where is your faith? 

April, May, June... Those are my hardest months.  Every year since 2011, I have literally lost my mind during this time.  It sucks me in, paralyses me, kicks me while I am down and then spits me out.  Why would God choose to test my faith during this time?  I have one answer.  Because He is God. 

He isn't just testing me but He is proving to me who He is.  He says, "I got this!" and then He is showing me I have the victory in Him.  I am His child.  He loves me!

It took me 6 weeks to talk to anyone about it.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy again.  I started to feel emotions that I hadn't remembered feeling since before 2011.  They were everyday normal feelings.  Feelings you feel and then let go of, don't fret over or feel bad about.  Feelings that didn't control my life.

Do I now have sad days, yes.  Do I let them control me, sometimes.  Do I let them keep me down, NO!  It is a fight.  It takes prayer, It takes trust, It takes God. 

I am learning how to live again.

O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.

(I feel I must put this disclaimer in: Do not stop taking meds because you feel like you don't need them.  Please do not just quit cold turkey like I did.  I should have talked to my doctor first, I should have had people keeping an eye out for me.  I do not recommend my actions to anyone and if I had to do it all over again, I would have talked to my doctor.)

Speaking to Students

Something that breaks my heart is that there are children and teens out there thinking they are all alone.  That they have to deal with all their real life problems on their own.  They have no voice.  We need to stand up and show them that we are there, we can be trusted and that we can help.

Recently I got to speak to some high school students about depression and suicide.  As you have read (HERE), depression has been a moving factor in my life.  I am not sure why God would choose it for me or why He would allow it, but I know He has a plan for it.  He has a plan for my story and my lessons learned. I am so grateful for that. 

Just a week before this talk, these students were asked to write down topics that they wanted discussed at their FCA meetings on Thursday afternoons.  Depression and Suicide!  WOW.  There are teenagers struggling with suicide.  There are middle school students struggling with suicide.  There are parents struggling with suicide. 

Reno, NV has had school shootings, middle school girls committing suicide, high school students committing suicide. All in the last few years. 

I shared my story about depression, about my mom's struggle with depression and suicide.  How it all affected me. 

The best part of my story though, GOD!  God gets all the glory. 

Did you know that God loves you!  He really does.  Unconditionally with no strings attached.  He created you, He knows you, He sees you!

Here are some verses that helped me:

"And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me:" Gen 16:13

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: Great is thy faithfulness."
Lam 3:21-23

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee:" Jer 1:5

"The hairs on our head are numbered." Matt 10:30

"Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?" 
Psalms 56:8

"Nor height nor depth nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8:39

"God is love." 1 John 4:8

"Ye shall not fear them: for the Lord your God he shall fight for you." Deut 3:22

"My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." James 1:2-5

If you know a teen, are a parent to a teen, are an adult or have a friend that is struggling with depression or suicide, please read this book: What Do I Do When Teenagers are Depressed and Contemplate Suicide? by Dr. Steven Gerali.  You can find it at your local Christian book store or on Amazon HERE.

Anti-Social

Some days, you just really don't want to be "bothered" by others.  Not that people are a bother, but you just don't want to put that smile on, like there isn't anything going on but in reality, everything is going on and you just don't want to have to show face. 

Sunday, the entire day, I was like that.  It was my fault.  And I will tell you why.

We all have stories that define our lives.  They are so instrumental in shaping the way we do things and the way we think about things. 

One of those stories, was for me a life event.  Audrey Jade Hope.  My niece.  You can read her story here.

What does that have to do with my bad day, you may ask.  Well, four years ago on May 3rd, I was living this story.  And yes, it is still hard to think about and remember every detail of my life at this time so many years ago. 

But it wasn't me that brought these thoughts into my head.  It was a TV show.  I watched as a father was in a car accident because he had a brain aneurism and eventually went brain dead and then became an organ donor...

Yes, I cried through the TV program and then I stayed up way to late that night trying to see what happens next...   Bad choice on my part.  Netflix can suck you in and keep you there for a while.

So, that just reminded me about what had happened a few years ago. 

That leads me to my next thing.

Just because someone is having a bad day and they are anti social that day, doesn't mean that they are mad at you or upset at you or they don't want to be around you. 

QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal.  (BTW: I am talking to myself.  I have a bad habit of thinking the world revolves around me.  I also can read people well and automatically assume that I caused whatever issue they have. Most of the time, that is not true. QTIP!)

Sometimes, you just need time inside your head to process.  I needed to process feelings, that really had no business coming out of my mouth. 

It was very fitting that Pastor preached a message on "Wanna Get Away," and on that day, Yes, Yes I did.

Fiery Trials

Sometimes you have to go through the fire to see what is waiting for you on the other side...

I don't have all the answers.  I try not to pretend that I do.  And I can't explain why I have never felt closer to God than I do now, after going through those fiery trials, but it's real.

He has revealed so much to me, so much of who I am and even more of who He is.  He is the Creator.

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

As I sit here, I am preparing a message I will be giving to a bunch of teens at North Valley's High School tomorrow.  I will be talking about depression and suicide on the day that Audrey Jade Hope was born into this world. At 6 days old, she went to be with our Lord and Savior.  I get to show these teens that life is worth living for, fighting for...

A great joy enters my heart when thinking about all that God has done. 

Remember this:
Just as Saul was, you also are a chosen vessel.

But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name's sake. Acts 9:15-16