Saturday Night!

Saturday nights are not normal around this house.  It's always a dash to get things ready for Sunday. It is the Big Push.  There just never seems to be enough time to get everything done during the week.  

My husband's (Shaun) work schedule is different than most.  He has split days off in the middle of the week.  Which is awesome and difficult at the same time.  He has to work weekends.  He usually does his normal 5:00 am - 2:00 pm shift on Saturday.  Then he has to be back at work by 11:30 pm Saturday night so that he can be home in time for us to head to Sunday service at our church.  He works hard.  Heavy lifting, stocking shelves and is on his feet most of his shift.  Saturday nights he sleeps maybe 2-3 hours at the most.  Sometimes he doesn't even get an hour.  He works at Lake Tahoe which is about a 45 minute drive.  

When Shaun gets home, we head to church.  We get there about 9:30 am.  We don't usually leave till 12:00 pm.  We are back at the church at 4:00 pm.  

Sunday is a big deal in this family.  It is something we have made a priority for over 10 years.  For the past few years, we have been in charge of the Sunday Children's program as well as Awana that started last year.  This year, All of our children's programs are on Sundays.  This means, we have a lot to prepare for. 

From the moment he walks through the doors of our home on Sunday morning, to the moment we leave the church that afternoon, he is on fire for God.  He is ready to go.  He is ready to greet people, meet with his workers, serve others. He is always smiling, happy and glad to see you. He doesn't complain. 

Why am I telling you all this, you may ask... 

Whatever your schedule, whatever your situation, it is a decision to serve God. Shaun decided that he wanted to serve God no matter his schedule, no matter if he isn't feeling well that day, even if it is an inconvenience.  Even if it isn't his "regularly scheduled" time slot. 

Am I saying everyone needs to be like Shaun, Not at all. 

But think about this, When you get to Heaven, what will your first response be?  Undoubtedly it will always be, "I wish I had done more."  More of what?  More for God, more telling of our Saviour, more encouraging, more loving, more... Just more!  

The next time you have an opportunity to serve, whether that be during church, in the nursery, in the children's programs, or at community outreach, think, "how can I make this happen" instead of, "how can I get out of this." 

Trusting God Through A Child's Struggles

We all know that children are a gift from God. 

Psalm 127:3 "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

We know they are not ours, but sometimes it is so difficult to make that a reality in our lives.  Our kids are precious.  And as mother's, we take ownership of them.  Any time they hurt, we hurt.  Every time they struggle, we struggle.  We have been through the tough stuff of growing up.  We want to take that burden from them.  But we can't.  And that's tough. 

We can feel that any struggles or obstacles they face are due to our failings as a parent.

The last few months have been especially hard to deal with.  The burden my heart feels when it comes to my kids is growing.  They are growing up in a world that is no longer God fearing. As a parent, I cannot take these burdens or these choices away from my child.  Just as I have learned and grown from my obstacles, choices, testings, trials, I have to allow my child to learn to let God work in their lives through the same.

We need to put our trust in the Lord.  He is the only one that can help our children deal with the obstacles of life.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

Our job is to train them, guide them, love them, discipline them.  AND PRAY for them.

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Deut. 30:6 "And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live."

Deut. 11:18-23 "Therefore shall ye lay up these My Words in your heart and in your soul, and bind Them for a sign upon your hand, that They may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach Them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of Heaven upon the earth. For if ye shall diligently keep all these Commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, and to cleave unto Him; Then will the LORD drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves."

I feel a very real struggle right now in this parenting area.  Thomas has struggled for many years now. School has been the main area we have seen the struggle.  Being a home school mom, I just figured it was me.  That I just didn't hack it.  But now that he is in public school and he isn't doing so well, I am left to wonder what is going on.  He seems to be getting further behind and is less motivated to even try.  

We are going through testing and evaluations now.  As a mom, I just want to fix it.  I want to take this burden from him.  I hate to see him struggle.  I hate to see him look down on himself. But I cannot do that.  God is teaching us and him.  He is trying to do a work in our lives and we must let him do that work. 

Serve!

Serving in the Church... It is what God intended for us to do.  There is just something about serving that makes my day feel so much more accomplished. 

Today I got to pass out invites to church.  This is just one way we can serve.  But it brings great joy to my heart when I know I am pleasing my Lord.  

Why serve, you may ask.  Here are a few things I have been thinking of: 

1. It gets our minds off our own struggles.  For that short time of serving this morning, it helped me see Gods bigger picture.  I have been struggling lately, but God is good and He will see me through.  I just have to do what He tells me to do and that is to serve. 

2.  It brings us together.  Sometimes we get so busy in our every day life that we get a skewed sense of what is really going on.  It is nice to connect with others and chat and hear about other peoples lives.  It is not all about "me." 

3.  It reminds us of who we serve!  God the Creator decided to let us be His mouth and His feet.  We get to be that representation of who God is.  He is love.  How can we be a follower of Him if we don't serve.  We have a great opportunity to spread the gospel.  We need to take that opportunity.  

Tomorrow is Sunday.  We all have an opportunity to let God work through us.  Lets be everything He created us to be.  Serve Him by serving others. 

Grace and Mercy

Driving home from southern California we planned to drive up the coast, see all the beautiful sites, but most of the way was frustrating and irritating.  We hit traffic, not just because of everyday traffic issues, but because of people making bad decisions.  And then you have the gawkers.  Those that have to stop to stare at everything everyone else is doing.  

Grace and Mercy came to mind.  What I really wanted to do was scream out the window, honk my horn, and throw a fit.  Well, the last one, I kind of did in my head and at times out loud to Shaun.

¹grace

 noun \ˈgrās\

: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward

: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving

graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations

Full Definition of GRACE

1a :  unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification

b :  a virtue coming from God

c :  a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

mercy

 noun mer·cy \ˈmər-sē\

: kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly

: kindness or help given to people who are in a very bad or desperate situation

: a good or lucky fact or situation

plural mercies

Full Definition of MERCY

1a :  compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power;also :  lenient or compassionate treatment <begged for mercy>

b :  imprisonment rather than death imposed as penalty for first-degree murder

2a :  a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion

b :  a fortunate circumstance <it was a mercy they found her before she froze>

3:  compassionate treatment of those in distress <works of mercy among the poor>

With Relationships, We need to keep these two things on the forefront of our minds and hearts.  We all crave to have mercy and grace shown to us but feel justified when we get hurt to not show these to others.

John 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

James 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Psalm 86:5 For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

Psalm 145:9  The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.

Luke 6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.

Ephesians 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,

In these days of busyness of life, the devil sure likes to make us get frustrated and mad at each other. He likes to see the differences divide us and take us out of the Lords work.  We have to keep these things in mind in order to keep going forward for the cause of Christ.

It is our choice to give grace and mercy, even if that person doesn't deserve it.  We did nothing to deserve God's love.  He proved His love on the cross for us and gave us grace and mercy.  We need to extend those to others even if they don't ask for it.  

God is Love - God is Life

I have been on the side of praying for a miracle.  I have sat at the hospital begging God to heal.  I have been there to see that my will is not always the will of the Father. 

His Grace is sufficient. 

And now, I find myself on the other side of praying for a miracle. 

How do you pray for a miracle for one person hoping another said yes to organ donation?  

My heart aches for both families in this situation. 

One must give their life to give life to another in these situations.  

Join me in prayer for these families.  Both need to be wrapped in the Father's love. 

Russel Bouydston - In need of Liver - #1 on the transplant list.

Donor - God's grace and love

The Families - Peace

Are you anxious?

Sometimes life seems to crazy to keep up with.  And that is when anxiety can set in.  Since I am prone to anxiety, I have been trying to keep things in perspective.

Here is a list of things we are doing/planning:

Planning the Awana Awards Night, next years club year, Junior Camp, my visit to Florida to see a friend, hubby and wife vacation, end of school year is here, Thomas' birthday party, Golf lessons, and training for a 5K (Soon to be a blog post)... with all the "normal" stuff in there too.  This is all stuff that is happening in the next 6 weeks. 

With all this going on, I can get a bit flustered and can take it out on the people I love.  One of my severe side effects of depression was anxiety.  I can get worked up over nothing.

Here are a few things I am doing to keep my anxiety at bay:

1. Make time to read your Bible.  (I am not always best at this, but I am actively working on it.)  I can see such a difference when I make time to read my Bible and pray.  I need to seek God, on a more personal level, every day.

2. Exercise!  This one is so beneficial for me.  Any time I feel overwhelmed or stretched thin, I go running or do a workout video.  This helps me to clear my head and also work off that anxiety in a productive way.  After a good workout, I feel a sense of calm come over me and my brain is then able to focus on the task at hand.

3. Prioritize.  I like to make a list of things that need to be done.  Organize that list and put the most important thing on top. The stuff that can wait, will wait and I am ok with that.

4. Relax.  I always thought that everything had to be done right then or I failed.  Or I would wait till the last minute to do things (I am still a procrastinator, but again, I am working on that).  But I choose to not freak out about things.  I refuse too. Do everything you can, when you can.

One of my biggest fears since getting off my antidepressant has been for my anxiety to come back.  Dealing with real life is also dealing with anxiety.  But a lot of what I have learned is that we can control a lot of the anxiety we deal with.  I can stop procrastinating.  I can control my thoughts.  I can pray when something is not under my control and ask God to give me peace. He will and He does.

Philippians 4:6-7
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

My Life Belongs To The Master

Have you ever thought, "What if my life were different?" "What if I didn't go through that?" "Why couldn't I just grow up in a godly home?"

There are so many questions we could ask, or wishes we could make.  "Why me" questions.  "If only" wishes.

But if we believe in an almighty God, those questions are invalid.  They really are.

Looking back at my life, all the good and the bad or the unfair or hurtful, I wouldn't change any of it. Not one thing.  Nothing.

My life belongs to the Master.  To my Creator.  To my God.  To my Saviour. 

Do I believe He caused the bad, the ugly, the unfair or the hurtful?  No. 

But I believe He has used it to create His masterpiece.  He is not done with me.  He is still molding and sculpting me. 

I can see His hand in my life every step of the way and I am thankful for that.

Can you say that?  That no matter what painful circumstances or health issues or life hurts come your way that you will trust Him with the outcome.  That He is your life's Master. 

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Isaiah 64:8.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

He has a purpose for your life, your hurt, your struggle. 

Look to Him.  Say, "I don't understand this, but I trust you and I have faith!"

No More Meds.

There are so many things I think about writing; little things I think about, lessons I am learning.  But it seems as though I can't write anything else without first posting this. I have been very nervous about writing this next post.  For lots of reasons, this one seems too personal.  But I feel compelled to tell it since it is part of my story, as it unfolds and as God leads.

When I was first diagnosed with severe depression, I was prescribed Prozac.  At that point in time I felt like I would always and forever need that little pill.  I was worried about not having it and about relapsing into a more severe depression than before.  I was ok with taking a prescription for the rest of my life, if need be.  It worked and it worked amazingly.  Within 2 weeks of starting it, my anxiety was gone.  This was not just me being anxious but a very real debilitating problem.

As I went in to see my doctor after about 6 months of feeling better and seeing the difference that pill made in my life, I wasn't ready to give it up.  I was nervous that I would spiral down that whirlpool of hopelessness once again and that all the progress I had made would be washed down the drain with me.  I asked my doctor to keep me on the antidepressant for at least 6 more months. She wrote the prescription. 

There were many times that I had forgot to take my pill, or had forgotten to refill my prescription, or just plain didn't want to take it.  I would go off of it for a week or so.  I would feel that sadness, the depression sneaking back into my life. I wouldn't feel right.  So, I would get back on them and in the habit of taking them again.

Earlier this year I started to feel this nudge, a still small voice, telling me I was going to be ok.  Over the last year, I had to work on a lot.  There were many battles fought in my head and in my heart. I had to let go of a lot.  I had to see myself and I had to realize that God sees me. 

An antidepressant is supposed to help balance the natural chemicals that are supposed to be in your brain.  They help stabilize your emotions and help you feel really good.  After a while I realized that I had started using my prescription as a cover for things I didn't want to deal with or things I just wanted to feel numb too.  I started to feel numb to a lot of things.

I had started reading my Bible consistently and my relationship with the Lord was growing and I could sense I needed to step out in faith.  I needed to trust the same God that I had trusted all those years ago with the salvation of my soul, to do great and mighty things in this life of mine.  I wanted to go down a new path of trust and faith that I had never known before.

At the end of February my prescription ran out and I didn't refill it.  I didn't tell anyone.  I knew I needed to trust God with my sanity.  I needed to rely on Him and Him alone.  I felt God call me to this.  I don't want to sound weird or crazy, but I can't explain it any other way.

I kept thinking, maybe I should go get my prescription filled, just in case.  And then I would think, where is your faith? 

April, May, June... Those are my hardest months.  Every year since 2011, I have literally lost my mind during this time.  It sucks me in, paralyses me, kicks me while I am down and then spits me out.  Why would God choose to test my faith during this time?  I have one answer.  Because He is God. 

He isn't just testing me but He is proving to me who He is.  He says, "I got this!" and then He is showing me I have the victory in Him.  I am His child.  He loves me!

It took me 6 weeks to talk to anyone about it.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy again.  I started to feel emotions that I hadn't remembered feeling since before 2011.  They were everyday normal feelings.  Feelings you feel and then let go of, don't fret over or feel bad about.  Feelings that didn't control my life.

Do I now have sad days, yes.  Do I let them control me, sometimes.  Do I let them keep me down, NO!  It is a fight.  It takes prayer, It takes trust, It takes God. 

I am learning how to live again.

O victory in Jesus,
My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me
With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him
And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory,
Beneath the cleansing flood.

(I feel I must put this disclaimer in: Do not stop taking meds because you feel like you don't need them.  Please do not just quit cold turkey like I did.  I should have talked to my doctor first, I should have had people keeping an eye out for me.  I do not recommend my actions to anyone and if I had to do it all over again, I would have talked to my doctor.)

Fiery Trials

Sometimes you have to go through the fire to see what is waiting for you on the other side...

I don't have all the answers.  I try not to pretend that I do.  And I can't explain why I have never felt closer to God than I do now, after going through those fiery trials, but it's real.

He has revealed so much to me, so much of who I am and even more of who He is.  He is the Creator.

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

As I sit here, I am preparing a message I will be giving to a bunch of teens at North Valley's High School tomorrow.  I will be talking about depression and suicide on the day that Audrey Jade Hope was born into this world. At 6 days old, she went to be with our Lord and Savior.  I get to show these teens that life is worth living for, fighting for...

A great joy enters my heart when thinking about all that God has done. 

Remember this:
Just as Saul was, you also are a chosen vessel.

But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name's sake. Acts 9:15-16

 

Baseball photos

I have been wanting to post some of the photos since the boys started baseball.  They are both so cute in their uniforms.  If you have some time, you should come out and enjoy a game with us. 

These are from Opening Day!

Finding My Joy (part 2)

I did not take this photo

 I wanted to give you an update on my Joy search.  Oh My Soul...  I feel like a weight has been lifted.  I feel as though I found out some amazing secret that everyone else should know.  I just have to say that I am getting my Joy back and it has been a wonderful week of rejoicing.  

This time of year can be very difficult for me.  Today is the second anniversary of Audrey's passing.  I could be sad and withdrawn.  But instead, I am so full of joy.  The day after I realized what my problem was, I woke up with a song in my heart.  I couldn't help but sing it. 

I still have moments of frustration and hurt.  I still can be cranky and in a mood.  But I feel a peace inside that only God can bring.  

If you are struggling with Joy, my advice is to seek God through His word, through listening to preaching, and through listening to some good uplifting music. 

Here something to get you started: 

1. I have found His grace is all complete,
   He supplieth every need;
   While I sit and learn at Jesus’ feet,
   I am free, yes, free indeed.
   • Refrain:
     It is joy unspeakable and full of glory,
     Full of glory, full of glory;
     It is joy unspeakable and full of glory,
     Oh, the half has never yet been told.
2. I have found the pleasure I once craved,
   It is joy and peace within;
   What a wondrous blessing, I am saved
   From the awful gulf of sin.
3. I have found that hope so bright and clear,
   Living in the realm of grace;
   Oh, the Savior’s presence is so near,
   I can see His smiling face.
4. I have found the joy no tongue can tell,
   How its waves of glory roll;
   It is like a great o’erflowing well,
   Springing up within my soul.

Finding the Joy!

 

I did not take this photo

Habakkuk 3:18 says, "Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation."

And Paul writes, "But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God," in Act 20:24.

To say the least, I have had a JOY problem lately.  Things just seem so mundane and tedious.  I have seen my joy dwindle away for the past few years.  It is time I get that joy back.  And God is the answer.  When things seem out of sorts and you just don't seem to have the right attitude or feel like things are worth doing, turn to God.  He wants us to be Joy Filled.  He wants us to have joy doing things.  

Sometimes I know I get so busy I don't pay attention to what God has to say about things. I just think about all the things I need to get done. When this is happening on a continual basis, it is time to slow down and remember that God comes first.  He should not have to wait till we are no longer busy.  I know over the past few years, life has gotten so much busier.  Time is going by so quickly and if I don't start having joy in those everyday moments, life is going to pass me by and I will be a grouchy, cantankerous old woman.  

I do not want to be that way.  I want to find joy even when there seems to be none.  Just as Paul writes about his trials and troubles, he still found Joy in the midst of them.  I can do the same.  I know I can because Jesus saved me!  He paid my sin debt.  This world is not my home, I am just passing through.  I can have joy in the midst of my trials.  I can have joy in everyday activities.  I can have joy raising my kids.  

I choose Joy!  It is a choice we all must make.  No matter what I have going on in my life or around me, I can have joy.        

 Psalm 16:11  Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. 

Well, It's been a few weeks.

It has been a few weeks and those weeks have been crazy with Baseball for the boys, doing photo sessions and church stuff.  Also my 30th birthday was 2 weeks ago (thanks for the condolences, but I am doing fine ;).  I have been babysitting and trying to keep up with house work.  It's a busy life.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  I wanted to share a photos with you:

 I wanted to share that I got so much love on my birthday.  I was so surprised by the ladies of my church.  My birthday fell on the same night as the ladies Bible study.  They all sang happy birthday and had cards and gifts.  I am so truly blessed.  I love these ladies very much and pray for them often. 

Baseball Life...

In February, we signed both Thomas and James up for Little League Baseball.  It is a huge leap for us since we already have a fairly busy schedule.  We have been wanting to put them into some sort of sport for a few years, but have just been too preoccupied with other things.

It is so cute to see them interact with other kids and their coaches.  I am excited to see what this season holds and how much they grow in the next few months. 

So, It's been a while!

 

Hi there.  It has been a few weeks and I have wanted to get on here and write something and share some photos but it has been a bit crazy.  Lots of stuff to get done.  I have also been in some sort of funk.  I don't know where it comes from.  But sometimes it just smacks you and then it is hard to get back into the swing of things.  

Well, we have finished half a year of school.  I am excited for this since I am a summer girl and it just means that the warm weather is soon to be here. :) 

Another thing that has brightened up the past few weeks... We are getting things together to hopefully buy a house in the near future.  We talked with a home loan person and we have a few things we need to get straightened out, but we are in better shape than we thought we would be and are hoping to be able to buy a home by the end of the year. 

I have been working on a few things as well in my personal life.  It seems like whenever you make a decision to do something better or for God, you are immediately just bombarded with difficulties.  I am right there.  Feeling a bit overwhelmed at times and just down right moody at other times.  But I am not going to give in.  I am just too stubborn for that.  I just don't see the point in giving in.  Cause that starts a chain reaction of giving up everytime something gets in the way.  I refuse to not get out of this funk I am in.  

If you are in some sort of funk... DO NOT give up, give in, let it overtake every area of your life.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and that tunnel leads right to the one that can help us through these times in our life.  That person is Jesus.  Trust in Him.  Ask Him to help you and He will.  Things always look worse when you are in the midst of them.