Reading and Contemplating

I have been reading these books trying to gain a better understanding of what I went through emotionally and physically.  In doing so, it has brought up many feelings from last year.  They are not as emotionally charged, but I have found myself waking up a bit sad some days.  I have had dreams and thoughts running through my head for the past week or so.  I have turned inward and also seeking God to help me understand.  I am so glad that I have some answers about grief and about the human body that I did not know before reading these books.  I also feel a bit better about how to handle these feelings in the future.  

There are so many things about the human body and system that would help us to understand why we feel certain things when loss happens (especially unexpected loss).  It amazes me that God gives our bodies so many tools to use and a lot of time, we decide we know better and overlook what our bodies are trying to tell us.  

I want to help those who have been through the loss of a baby whether it be of miscarriage, still birth or after baby has arrived.  I also want to help the people who have never experienced this type of loss to be able to know how to help the people you love through this loss.  

I want to start out with some facts.  The doctors estimate that there is a 1 in 4 chance of a pregnancy ending in loss whether in the first, second or third trimester.  Your statistics go up depending on age, previous miscarriage or even genetics. But overall the number is 1 in 4.  The number may even be higher when you take into account all the unreported miscarriages.  75% of the loss of pregnancy happens in the first trimester (within the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy).  In the Foreword of the book Empty Arms, Arnold L. Peterson II, M.D., P.C. writes, "Between 15% to 25% of all human conceptions do not successfully complete the twentieth week of pregnancy. More lives are lost in the first twenty weeks of pregnancy than are accumulatively lost in the next sixty-five years of life. Neither disease nor accident has claimed such a large percentage."

I think this is amazing that we lose more life in pregnancy than anything else, but yet it is still treated as something women should just get over and move on. 

Some things I have learned from watching myself go through my miscarriage:
I did not give myself time to grieve.  I felt like I should just get over it because I have 2 little ones at home.  I should feel blessed for what I have and not feel the feelings and emotions of losing a baby to miscarriage.  I WAS WRONG!
As a woman, you feel connected to your baby even before you get a positive on a pregnancy test.  Your body starts to change and your hormones start to change.  Your entire being is changing all at once.  When you lose that pregnancy your physical body has to change and your emotions have to make an adjustment too.  Your hopes and dreams and excitement all come crashing to the floor.  


I can go back to that day very easily.  It was scary and emotional and I was still trying to hold on to some hope but I just knew... I knew that it wasn't going to happen. I was not going to carry this baby, to hold it or to be able to watch him/her grow up.


I will leave you with this...
I have hope.  I serve a loving God.  I will be able to see my baby again. :)  That is a true joy of knowing for sure you have a home in Heaven. 


I have tons more to share but for now, that is a good place to start.