I needed to share how God has been working on my heart and showing me how much He loves me. I know I post a lot about last year, but the blessing are so much coming to pass... I am so grateful. Last month at our monthly Ladies Bible Study at Sierra View I was able and blessed to give my testimony. Most of what I talked about were my emotions, feeling, struggles and everything else from last year. I had a lot that needed to be shared because I had bottled it up for so long. Sometimes you don't really know how you feel till it is coming to a close and you actually go through it all. I was coming to terms with last year over Christmas. It was a hard time.
But after sharing all of this with such wonderful ladies, I have been experiencing something amazing. God has been showing me how He worked through it all. I had to come to the realization that no matter what hurt and heartache came from last year, I would rather have gone through it than it never have happen in my life. I would have still carried that precious baby even though I would never hold him or her in my arms. I would have still been there at Audrey's birth and death and at the hospital for those 4 long days even knowing we would not be seeing her again. I would still have been there through Marilyn's battle with cancer, her being so sick she couldn't walk and then sitting next to her while she took her last breath. Then planning and helping with the funerals that come after death.
I would still have gone through it all just to know I was carrying a precious life within me.
I would still have gone through it all just to hold Audrey only 3 times in her short lived life.
I would still have gone through it all to know Marilyn as her faith and love for God got stronger as she knew her life was soon ending.
For so long I have been thinking so much on the negative that had happened last year. So focused on the pain and heartache I endured. Instead of realizing that I would have gone through it no matter what the outcome.
I am so glad that I do not get a choice in what comes my way. I know that if I were to choose what happened in my life at all times, nothing bad or sad or hurtful would ever happen to me. But that is just not the world we live in. Because of sin, we live in a dieing world. We are not perfect and because of that, hurt, sadness, and tears happen.
But the good news is, nothing catches God by surprise. He knows what will happen. He is prepared for whatever comes ahead of us and if we trust in Him, He will carry us through. He doesn't just help us through or go with us, but He will pick us up and carry us through if we let Him.
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
Terrific post...I got to hold Audrey for an hour just about an hour before she stopped breathing that night and part of me wishes I would have made it more meaningful and I would have cuddled her more rather than just hold her but you're right Shannon I need to look at the positive and realize that I DID get to hold her and be near her and had I not had at least that it would have been more sad. I sometimes turn the positive into a negative and I always want MORE. We do need to be grateful to God for what we do or did have not what we could have had in our minds. Audrey would almost be a year old and I am feeling some of the pain again because I miss her so much. My mind is running through the events of that terrifying night and all that came after it and my heart aches but God is good and he has comforted me so many times this past year and allowed me to be incredibly sad in His arms. I would not have made it through without Him.
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